


A Name

by SkyEventide



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen, Identity Issues, Lightly Toasted Amrod, The importance of Names, Twins navigating who they are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 15:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30091482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyEventide/pseuds/SkyEventide
Summary: « What did mother say? »« That our name was the truth of her heart, and if truly we hated it, we would one day each choose a name or be given an epessë by others, and that would be the truth of ours. »*The twins and their names and their personal identities.
Relationships: Ambarussa & Ambarussa (Tolkien), Ambarussa & Nerdanel (Tolkien), Amras & Amrod (Tolkien), Amras & Fëanor | Curufinwë, Amrod & Feanor | Curufinwe
Comments: 20
Kudos: 30





	A Name

**Author's Note:**

> I aim to turn "Lightly Toasted Amrod" into a canonical tag.
> 
> Language notes:
> 
> 1\. obviously this follows the Shibboleth story in which both twins were initially called Ambarussa, then Fëanor asked Nerdanel to give them different names. One of the two was then called Umbarto, "The Fated", and the name being ominous and foreboding, Fëanor changed it to Ambarto instead.  
> 2\. the Sindarin translations of the father-names (and Curufin's mother-name) are all fan-made. I have a post [here](https://skyeventide.tumblr.com/post/645727283125059584/i-posted-some-time-ago-these-translations-of-the) about them if you want to check it out. Pityo and Telvo are the canonical familial nicknames of the twins, Curvo is Curufin's and Nelyo is Maedhros', also canonical (Curufin shares his father-name with Fëanor).  
> 3\. an early draft of Amrod's name was Damrod, with the meaning of "hammerer of copper/metal", from there the hc that the younger twin works with copper.  
> 4\. an epessë is a gifted-name, a sobriquet that elves are given by others and sometimes use instead of their birth names.

##  *

Ambarussa is his brother, the brother who is his mirror image. 

Ambarussa puts his arm around his shoulders and laughs aloud, and Ambarussa rarely finds quips and jests  _ quite  _ that amusing, but he joins in, if nothing else because the sound of his brother’s laughter is bright as bells and bubbling like streams, and contagious. 

Ambarussa, when he is angry, scowls deeply and lifts his chin up, and his nose curls at the sides, the same expression, Ambarussa has noticed, that descends on Tyelkormo’s face; and when he is with his brother, Ambarussa matches that frown with precision. But when he is alone he twists his lips instead and, askance, shoots a quick glare.

« Ambarussa », his brother, who is his mirror image, calls.

And Ambarussa calls back. 

##  *

Their father has never looked kindly upon that. 

He has ever pressed his mouth in a tight line, a muscle in his jaw jumping, his eyes cutting to the side, away from them, and one who knows their father less would mistake his discomfort for anger. 

« You are  _ Ambarto _ », their father snaps, an evening when his mood is more frayed.

Their father has a way to demand silence without even hinting that it is what he wants. But Ambarussa, who is his brother, was born with a proud and steady boldness in his spirit and is not at all deterred. « Me? », he asks. 

« No », their father replies, his voice already mellowing. « You are. »

And his beautiful but forge-callused hands touch Ambarussa’s head in a caress. 

He tastes that other name on his tongue, but the sounds roll wrong. 

##  *

No one else minds, especially not mother.

##  *

The first time they speak of this, their hair has already begun to change, making them subtly different from one another; they have learnt to hunt with skill, and Ambarussa has taken to the working of copper with his mother and grandfather. They are in the forests, fletching arrows under the golden shadow of chestnut trees.

« I asked mother, one time », Ambarussa admits.

His brother snorts. « I asked father. »

« And what did he say? »

« That even at birth we looked greatly alike but even so we were not the same child, and therefore mother should not have been so bothered if he begged her for two different names. To which I said that he was one to talk, with how he named Curvo. »

Ambarussa chuckles. But then he prods, « How did he answer? », for certainly his father answered.

« It was different, he said. His name for Curvo was a title, hers for us a prophecy. »

There is something his brother is not saying and it is the first time in his life that Ambarussa’s mind does not mingle seamlessly with his own. Ambarussa thinks nothing of it, or tries to. 

It is only much later that he learns the whole story.

##  *

Their brothers begin calling them by other names, when their hair has changed entirely, one darker like garnets, one lighter like the copper jewels he has wrought. 

So he is Telvo, and Ambarussa is Pityo. 

Ambarussa enjoys the nickname, but doesn’t use it for his brother -- after all, he often calls his brother only by thoughts, a tug to the spirit as natural as breathing.

##  *

« What did mother say? »

« That our name was the truth of her heart, and if truly we hated it, we would one day each choose a name or be given an epessë by others, and that would be the truth of ours. »

##  *

It was Umbarto -- that was the other name.

It is Ambarussa who spits it to his face, with the bluntness that is his wont, in the dark hour in which they pack a few light belongings to leave Aman forever. Mother is outside the house, silent and solemn like quiet waters, and Ambarussa has not greeted her.

« That is what she called you. No wonder father wanted it changed. »

Ambarussa spits it to his face when they learn that she had come to ask for her youngest child to be left with her. He has not been a child for many centuries, for countless decades.

« If people in our family », he says under his breath, with a sharp look askance and his lips pursed in a line, « bothered to ask others for their thoughts rather than making them the object of their assumptions and bargains, perhaps one could speak their mind and their wishes with more honesty. »

« The hour in which I see you speak your mind directly, Ambarussa », his twin replies, « I shall throw a party. »

He glares at his brother also, who is his mirror image.

##  *

He looks at his mother one last time, and it isn’t longing, it isn’t fear, it isn’t a roiling sense of betrayal that this other name was hidden from him, nor nostalgia. None of those, all of them, but then his brother’s thoughts mingle with his as they used to, lending him a jolt of determination. 

##  *

It is told of Ambarussa that, on the shores of Beleriand, he was the only one of his brothers other than Nelyo who could stand straight before their father and hold his gaze with defiance. 

He does not remember that -- he was not there. Though sometimes his brother’s memory fuses with his, when they speak without words, and he too sees it, and sees their father's inexpressibly luminous eyes shining with the hardness of diamonds.

All he remembers of the long night of Losgar is the smoke he woke up to, the scorching pain as he ran into the flames, the impact with water, the untold torment of his limbs as he was cradled by despairing arms, there on the wet sand of an unfamiliar land.

##  * 

All their brothers give their names in the new tongue to the grey elves of the north.

Nelfin Maedhros. Cónafin Maglor. Turfin Celegorm. Morfin Caranthir. Curufin Adareg and his young son, Celebrimbor. 

Nibefin Amras. 

His scars circle the back of his left hand, and crawl from under the collar of his clothes to hug his jaw, the burnt skin gleaming silver and uneven. The etchings of his fear and grief, hidden and present, rejected and accusing. 

« Telufin », he says to the elves of the Mithrim lake. 

He breathes in and smiles, a chilling curl to his lips.

« Amrod. »

**Author's Note:**

> *°*Contribute to the Lightly Toasted Amrod tag by writing your very own lightly toasted amrod!*°*
> 
> Jokes aside though, I have a great deal of feelings about these two's identity issues.
> 
> And I really tried to showcase that, though Fëanor's request to change the name may have been demanding, Nerdanel certainly didn't help with giving twins the same exact name.


End file.
